In August of 2005 I suffered a miscarriage. I received much comfort from family members during this time, but what I remember most is the love and wisdom I received from Grandmother.
A week after the miscarriage I wrote to Grandmother expressing my doubts and questions. I knew that she could be trusted, having great faith in God, and having experienced the loss of a child.
She wrote back the same day, with characteristic apologies for her computer throwing her a curve ball (keep in mind that she was 89 at the time and had had her computer for less than one year).
“Your questions touch my heart; and your expectation that I can help you! Your questions break my heart. You have to believe that God did what was best for you. NEVER did He take your babies because of some lack of spirituality or some such thing in your life. He did it for your good, somehow, tho' you may not understand it for a long time. Never say or let anyone say "It was just luck"...There is no such word in the life of a Christian.”
She repeated a theme that I’ve heard a lot from her and from her children as they’ve remembered her lately: “I’ve been learning the importance of praise. We have so much to praise the Lord for.”
And then she wrote these lasting words: “Romans 11:33-36 was the Scripture our minister read to me at the time of Judith Ann's stillbirth. It was a great comfort and I memorized it:
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? Or who hath been His counselor? Or who hath first given to Him, and it shall be recompensed to him again? For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things; to Whom be glory forever. Amen. (King James).
If you have a solid faith in Who God is; and what you are to Him, it helps answer many questions. I wish I could help you more. I have questions whenever I read the Bible. I miss Harry so, He was always able to help me, and when he couldn't answer, he would say, "God is ALWAYS right! Just believe that and trust Him." Lots of times there are no apparent answers---such as right now-- I love you, always, and pray that the Lord will be closer to you than ever!! Grandmother”
What I remember from that email exchange and from many other letters, conversations and stories is Grandmother’s faith in God and his word even when she couldn’t understand it all. I remember her compassion for me and her constant returning to scripture and hymns for solace.
Her legacy continues as she encourages me and points me to her source of strength even now.
Laurel Elisabeth Stone Stevens
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